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Vapor Monkeys- Primate Pulverizer


I found it humorous when I visited Vapor Monkeys’ page and read that this E-juice, the Primate Pulverizer, was inspired about a dream involving something tantamount to a house party full of drunken apes.  The dreamer of said dream, the owner and mix-master of the company, meditated deeply on what type of cocktail would be enjoyed by a room full of primates, and thus the Primate Pulverizer was born.  Apparently, if a bunch of monkeys were to be capable of the caliber of complex planning and organization necessary to initiate such a shindig, they would all enjoy imbibing in glass after glass after glass of mint high-balls.  This is a very pleasantly minty beverage-flavored juice.  And it actually holds a breath-freshening quality that is either not present, or present in a much lesser degree in other mint/menthol-based E-liquids on the market.

The flavor of Vapor Monkeys’ concoction is mint to the extreme, but not mentholy in any way.  I recently tried one of my friends DIY E-juice recipes and I really need to either stop doing that, or at the very least start to take small, small puffs at first in order to test the severity of whatever I am about to experience.  This DIY recipe was a menthol juice, based on a new flavor from a new flavor vendor which he had never tried before.  Being the kind of guy who would drink two or three glasses of hemlock before asking, “Hey, you know what this tastes like?… It kinda reminds me of hemlock.  I should have another glass or two so I can pin this flavor down,” I took and absolutely enormous drag on the new menthol liquid through a dripper atomizer on an eGo-Twist battery cranked all the way up.  The result was very much akin to inhaling the entire continent of Antarctica in one breath, mixed with a scoop of sub-zero atmosphere from Neptune.  I thought a tracheotomy would be required in order to reintroduce oxygen into my lungs.  The Primate Pulverizer, isn’t anything like that.  It’s just plain minty, like a stick of double-mint gum or a bunch of green tic-tacs, but with more of a fresh mint sprig essence.

The throat hit on this Vapor Monkeys juice is good… kind of like a Marlboro Gold (formerly known as “light,” but for the insistence by the ANTZ that it must never be called “light.” or the health gods will become angry and retaliate with banshee-decibel whining noises)  I personally prefer a harder throat hit, but I smoked Djarum clove cigarettes at the rate of two packs per day for over two years, so I only have six or seven lonely nerve cells left in my throat.  The TH for a normal person who didn’t suck 30,000 doses of burning clove and Grade B tobacco sludge into their body would most likely find the inhalation process involved with the vaping of Primate Pulverizer perfectly satisfying.  The amount of vapor produced through atomization of the E-juice in a number of different clearo/atomizer types testifies to the fact that the throat hit is much like that of cigarette smoke, which this whole industry is supposed to be attempting to mirror perfectly.  Vapor Monkeys has come very close to this lofty goal.

I vaped Vapor Monkeys’ Primate Pulverizer in public (as with the vast majority of my taste testings), and I pleased many people around me by inserting subliminal thoughts of candy canes and Christmas through their unguarded nostrils.  This is the kind of vape you can do in a slightly-less-than-stealthy way at work because the majority of your pain-in-the-ass coworkers will simply assume that someone is chewing one of those super-mint gums that (according to their TV commercials) make one feel as if they are diving into a pool of vibrating ball-bearings between 1,000,000 watt woofers.  Just make sure you hold in the vapor long enough to dissipate most of the visible plumes upon exhaling.

In conclusion, Vapor Monkeys has turned out some pretty decent E-liquids so far, and the Primate Pulverizer should be proud to consider itself counted amongst these.  As stated in my last Vapor Monkeys review for their Flying Monkey Punch, I do love their classy glass bottles with the traditional eye-dropper cap.  On my E-juice display at my office (Yes, I vape at work.  I mean I vape ALL DAY at work.  Be jealous!) the juices in glass bottles stand out above all the rest, aesthetically speaking, and packaging is important, as long as that which is being packaged is up to par, quality-wise.  Primate Pulverizer is most certainly up to par, and Vapor Monkeys should be proud of this one.

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